In Scotland
In England
In Heaven Lots more pics.
A few videos, too:
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Stop The Killing (Mostly) UPDATED
Americans are dropping to gun violence so fast it’s making my head spin and stomach turn. The bloodletting has reached epidemic proportions of late, with mass killings in homes, nursing homes, immigrant centers and even church retreats all over this gun-loving nation of ourn. I feel like it’s 2006 again, but instead of getting arrested for DUI, everyone’s going on their own killing sprees.
One of the shootings involved a guy armed with an AK-47 (assault weapon) lying in wait for police to show up at his home. It’s been said he was afraid of the “Obama gun ban” that’s on its way (he’s likely also afraid of Obama’s socialist/Marxist agenda, his planned Muslim caliphate and his national service slave/drone army; he should be afraid of the Easter Bunny, too, because he’s just as real a danger). You can dismiss the shooter as a lone nutter, but remember, a lot of people share his concern. Gun sales are way up. And three cops are dead as a result of one man’s paranoia and a weapon he should never have been able to procure.
Now is a scary time to live in America. It’s clear we need to immediately take serious, effective steps to reduce violence within our borders. At the same time, I think there are some places in the world that could use a little more of it. (Re-read that if you need to.)
Yet another cargo ship has been hijacked off the coast of Somalia, this one with at least 20 Americans on board. Piracy has become so frequent and – seemingly – so easy in the region that it’s turning into a bad joke. The typical scenario is this: a half-dozen guys armed with machine guns and grenade launchers zip out in a speedboat, seize a ship and either claim its cargo or demand a ransom for the release of the vessel and crew. On occasion, these men take time out from their shipboard hijacking duties to observe religious holidays. Let it never be said pirates are devoid of values!
For the life of me, I can’t understand why a few of the world’s powerful, armed nations can’t simply blast these pirate vessels out of the water on sight. A few guys in a small boat? I am seeing minimal ammo expenditure here. We’re allowing a few bullies to hold the entire school hostage, and it’s embarrassing, frustrating and mostly preventable. A single, well-aimed shot (say, in the direction of the speedboat’s fuel tank) from even a small gun on a plane, helicopter or military ship could put a stop to an imminent hijacking.
Any surviving pirates would then be given the opportunity to fill up a shark’s belly, or to have their own lungs filled with the ocean’s finest briny stuff. Yes, an essential part of this battle against the pirates is a “no rescue” policy. We have already wasted far too much time on these people. Let the pirates back home get the message that we’re done with them from the sight of their buddies’ bodies washing up on the beach.
I would say the same thing were this to be happening off the coast of a European country instead of an African one, lest anyone think my cavalier attitude toward the pirates’ lives to be racially motivated.
And then there’s Kim Jong-Il. Remember the little Asian dictator so desperate to stay in the headlines that he performs needlessly provocative missile tests from time to time? It’s his way of saying, “Since I don’t have much of my own, I will f*ck the world with this baby. You complain and threaten sanctions, but you know you love it, b*tches!” People of North Korea: Why don’t just smother this guy already? Have you never heard of pillows, or does your “Dear Leader” not allow you to have those? We’re one palace guard away from restoring sanity and security to the region. The world needs – and awaits – your initiative.
One of the shootings involved a guy armed with an AK-47 (assault weapon) lying in wait for police to show up at his home. It’s been said he was afraid of the “Obama gun ban” that’s on its way (he’s likely also afraid of Obama’s socialist/Marxist agenda, his planned Muslim caliphate and his national service slave/drone army; he should be afraid of the Easter Bunny, too, because he’s just as real a danger). You can dismiss the shooter as a lone nutter, but remember, a lot of people share his concern. Gun sales are way up. And three cops are dead as a result of one man’s paranoia and a weapon he should never have been able to procure.
Now is a scary time to live in America. It’s clear we need to immediately take serious, effective steps to reduce violence within our borders. At the same time, I think there are some places in the world that could use a little more of it. (Re-read that if you need to.)
Yet another cargo ship has been hijacked off the coast of Somalia, this one with at least 20 Americans on board. Piracy has become so frequent and – seemingly – so easy in the region that it’s turning into a bad joke. The typical scenario is this: a half-dozen guys armed with machine guns and grenade launchers zip out in a speedboat, seize a ship and either claim its cargo or demand a ransom for the release of the vessel and crew. On occasion, these men take time out from their shipboard hijacking duties to observe religious holidays. Let it never be said pirates are devoid of values!
For the life of me, I can’t understand why a few of the world’s powerful, armed nations can’t simply blast these pirate vessels out of the water on sight. A few guys in a small boat? I am seeing minimal ammo expenditure here. We’re allowing a few bullies to hold the entire school hostage, and it’s embarrassing, frustrating and mostly preventable. A single, well-aimed shot (say, in the direction of the speedboat’s fuel tank) from even a small gun on a plane, helicopter or military ship could put a stop to an imminent hijacking.
Any surviving pirates would then be given the opportunity to fill up a shark’s belly, or to have their own lungs filled with the ocean’s finest briny stuff. Yes, an essential part of this battle against the pirates is a “no rescue” policy. We have already wasted far too much time on these people. Let the pirates back home get the message that we’re done with them from the sight of their buddies’ bodies washing up on the beach.
I would say the same thing were this to be happening off the coast of a European country instead of an African one, lest anyone think my cavalier attitude toward the pirates’ lives to be racially motivated.
And then there’s Kim Jong-Il. Remember the little Asian dictator so desperate to stay in the headlines that he performs needlessly provocative missile tests from time to time? It’s his way of saying, “Since I don’t have much of my own, I will f*ck the world with this baby. You complain and threaten sanctions, but you know you love it, b*tches!” People of North Korea: Why don’t just smother this guy already? Have you never heard of pillows, or does your “Dear Leader” not allow you to have those? We’re one palace guard away from restoring sanity and security to the region. The world needs – and awaits – your initiative.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Yes Virginia, There Really Is A Morning After (Pt. II + 2)
End Of An Error
To quote the late President Gerald Ford, “Our long national nightmare is over.” George Bush is being evicted from the Oval Office forever. Yes, the gong has sounded, and the great liar, criminal and dullard is finally leaving the stage. But don’t worry about good old George, because I’m certain such an eloquent man has a lucrative career as both a keynote speaker and author already mapped out. In fact, I have an exclusive look at an early draft of his memoirs here, written in George’s own hand.
Good stuff.
In closing, when thinking back on the many tribulations of the last eight years, it's important we all remember that every single one of them was Bill Clinton’s fault.
Congrats and good luck to Mr. Obama. We're hoping for big things.
If We Fail To Look Back, We May Have Only Trouble To Look Forward To (AKA "Ending A Sentence With A Preposition")
With regard to investigating the Bush administration’s many crimes foreign and domestic, President Obama has cryptically and disappointingly stated that he’s inclined to look forward rather than backward. Can you imagine a defense lawyer using this argument in court? “My client has admitted to the killing, but it happened two years ago. Why can’t we focus on the future instead? I call for a dismissal of the case against him.”Some have expressed concern that Republicants would brand any investigation as a partisan witch hunt; of course they will, because that’s what they do. They make noise and accusations and hope the problems get forgotten in the fracas, or at least their potential damage is lessened somewhat. They will absolutely choose party loyalty over justice; none has the integrity to hold accountable an official that shares their same party affiliation. Not even Arlen Specter.
But we shouldn’t let that deter us. Just like standing up to a schoolyard bully, it’s hard, but it’s also the right thing to do. He’ll call you names, he’ll attack your allegiances, but you simply have to consider the source.
A former Democrat, I supported the removal of Gov. Spitzer and Rep. Jefferson from their respective positions when their crimes became public. I want that selfish prick Blagojevich out of office as well.
My guiding desire is not to see Republicant leaders punished so much as to ensure accountability is demanded of public officials at all levels.
My question – not rhetorical, the real kind – to any government official who opposes investigating Bush is and has been: How do you prevent a future administration from carrying out war crimes and illegally spying on the American people if there is no real, legally binding deterrent? What’s to stop them from doing at least as much as Bush & Co. did, as they know they can go that far and not have to face any consequences?
Often a failure to act against fellow officials is done out of an unspoken political courtesy to which we outside the Beltway are not privy, or simply out of expediency. I’ve said this before, but I believe that choice should be removed from the equation altogether. When there is evidence of wrongdoing, as (for example) attorney general you must investigate it or resign. That’s what happens when you don’t do your job – you lose it, right?
Accountability may be a tough thing to enforce, but it’s certainly preferable to watching criminals slip away in plain sight.
Obama's HAL 9000-powered inauguration train.
Bogs’ Covert Funding Scandal
My Fellow Bloggers:
I wanted you to hear this from me first, instead of through the blogosphere or the traditional media, as that would be inevitable at this point.
I have to confess that I have not been entirely honest with you. Despite my insistence that I would provide no further support – financial or otherwise – to the Democratic Party or any of its candidates, in October of last year I did make a single $100 donation to Barack Obama’s presidential campaign.
The reasons for this illicit contribution were twofold:
1) At the time, Obama and his opponent, John McCain, were running neck and neck in Florida polls, and I did not wish for a lack of action on my part to contribute to an Obama defeat.
2) I did not wish for my state to once again be the cause of an election fiasco a la 2000, hence I wanted to ensure a clear winner.
Though I firmly believe these were compelling reasons to act, that does not mitigate the fact that I in no uncertain terms said I would not take such an action. To my family and to others I have disappointed or embarrassed with my actions, I humbly apologize. I can only hope that in the days ahead you will forgive me, as I believe God has already done.
I respectfully request privacy during this difficult time.
PS: I am also an alcoholic, meth head, gambling addict, whoremonger and defiler of the innocent. But first things first, ok?
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Yes Virginia, There Really Is A Morning After (Pt. I)
My Fellow Americans:
Regardless of how you voted yesterday, I think it’s important to remember that today we are all winners. For we’ve given an insufferable leader who continually frustrated and shamed us for eight years his two months notice. Americans and foreign nationals alike have reason to rejoice.
In the days ahead, I look forward to working with liberals and – once they’ve undergone the “enhanced reeducation techniques” I’ll be advocating under Obama – consternatives to bring America back to its ideals. No more torture. No more illegal spying. No more secrecy at the highest levels. No more power grabs. No more hate-based legislation (actually, see the next paragraph). No more greed-driven foreign policy. Let the great reconciliation with American democracy begin!
My enthusiasm about yesterday's historic event – including Florida voting the right way for president for the first time in many cycles – is dulled slightly by the fact that 62% of those Floridians also voted for Amendment 2, the gay marriage ban. Protect marriage, an institution that has kept our civilization going for eons, they say. I don't get it; would straight people stop marrying and procreating if gays could legally do the former?
If we let gays marry, where does it stop? they say. The answer is: Right there. You see, there are basically straights, gays and bisexuals (who are covered by the first two categories). That's it. There are no viable marriage categories left after that. The devil's advocate examples of "pedophiles marrying children" and "men marrying farm animals" are silly, insulting and simply not relevant. Gay marriage would not be a "gateway drug," as some have suggested. Shame on Florida and other states that voted the wrong way on similar ballot measures.
I’ll leave you today with a video featuring some fitting words from the late Robert Palmer. Obama haters, homophobes and other kinds of xenophobes, this one's for you. Peace!
PS: Be sure to come by on Inauguration Day for Part II. Thanks for listening.
Regardless of how you voted yesterday, I think it’s important to remember that today we are all winners. For we’ve given an insufferable leader who continually frustrated and shamed us for eight years his two months notice. Americans and foreign nationals alike have reason to rejoice.
In the days ahead, I look forward to working with liberals and – once they’ve undergone the “enhanced reeducation techniques” I’ll be advocating under Obama – consternatives to bring America back to its ideals. No more torture. No more illegal spying. No more secrecy at the highest levels. No more power grabs. No more hate-based legislation (actually, see the next paragraph). No more greed-driven foreign policy. Let the great reconciliation with American democracy begin!
My enthusiasm about yesterday's historic event – including Florida voting the right way for president for the first time in many cycles – is dulled slightly by the fact that 62% of those Floridians also voted for Amendment 2, the gay marriage ban. Protect marriage, an institution that has kept our civilization going for eons, they say. I don't get it; would straight people stop marrying and procreating if gays could legally do the former?
If we let gays marry, where does it stop? they say. The answer is: Right there. You see, there are basically straights, gays and bisexuals (who are covered by the first two categories). That's it. There are no viable marriage categories left after that. The devil's advocate examples of "pedophiles marrying children" and "men marrying farm animals" are silly, insulting and simply not relevant. Gay marriage would not be a "gateway drug," as some have suggested. Shame on Florida and other states that voted the wrong way on similar ballot measures.
I’ll leave you today with a video featuring some fitting words from the late Robert Palmer. Obama haters, homophobes and other kinds of xenophobes, this one's for you. Peace!
PS: Be sure to come by on Inauguration Day for Part II. Thanks for listening.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Happy Halloween From Abu Ghraib Prisoner #114
I'm sure to win a few costume contests with this year's selection, don't you think? Even more frightening than an image of me semi-clad, though, is the lasting damage images like this have done to America's stature in the world. I praise all the hallowed saints on this, their e'en, that the man behind some of our country's worst moments will soon be losing his power. It's been a scary time.
Enjoy Samhain, and watch out for the little ones!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
UFOs Are R-E-A-L
Some 1500 pages worth of information on UFO sightings have been released by Britain's National Archives. And while many of the incidents cited are explained away by earthly phenomena, some remain unexplained.
I don't need official documents in order to believe there's a good chance UFOs exist, however. The universe is immense; it seems rational to me that there would be other "intelligent" races that have developed space travel technology.
This lifelong belief has recently been bolstered by an unexpected confession from an acquaintance. This man – whose name I have been asked not to divulge – is someone very close whom I trust implicitly. He reluctantly agreed to tell me his story on camera for the benefit of my readers/viewers. It's pretty shocking stuff.
Note: The video is intentionally dark and the voice altered in order to protect the subject.
I don't need official documents in order to believe there's a good chance UFOs exist, however. The universe is immense; it seems rational to me that there would be other "intelligent" races that have developed space travel technology.
This lifelong belief has recently been bolstered by an unexpected confession from an acquaintance. This man – whose name I have been asked not to divulge – is someone very close whom I trust implicitly. He reluctantly agreed to tell me his story on camera for the benefit of my readers/viewers. It's pretty shocking stuff.
Note: The video is intentionally dark and the voice altered in order to protect the subject.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Fragmentia Monday: The Buffet Is Open!
From the momentous to the mundane, there’s lots here to talk about, people. If you don’t have something to say about at least one of these items, what good are ye?
I find the Wall Street bailout ironic and hypocritical. You have some of the very same politicians who regularly dismiss the notion of helping out the little guy (aka Main Street) with so-called entitlements rushing to help the big guy (aka Wall Street)?! But Pete, you say, by helping those big guys we’ll ultimately help the little guys! So, we are willing to assist the little guys, but only indirectly – through the big guys? Folks, I believe seeing CEOs walk away from their companies with $20 million while rank-and-file employees are being laid off dispels the myth of trickle-down economics for all time. It just don’t happen! And the government buying banks? Where are the accusations of socialism now? Now?
By the way, what’s with Bush pushing this bailout on Congress while at the same time wanting to veto food stamps and unemployment from a second stimulus package? See the big guy/little guy thing again.
Is it dangerous for chocolate Labradors to lick or chew themselves?
Mr. Blackwell, originator of the “worst-dressed list” for public figures, has died. I wonder how the undertaker will dress him?
If you are selling food or beverages in three different sizes, by law you should only be allowed to name them “small,” “medium” and “large,” respectively. None of this “medium/large/giant” crap! The smallest size of anything cannot be “medium!” Pizza places, you are the worst offenders. (Two sizes? "Small" and "large." That wasn't hard, was it?)
Speaking of pizza, I believe “left-over pizza” to be oxymoronic. It's certainly apocryphal in my home.
Another food-related law I am proposing is the Lid Standardization Doctrine (LSD). Some salad dressing bottles have a small opening that allows you to pour the dressing over your salad in small, controlled bursts; this wonderful invention gives you maximum control over amount and distribution. The other kind of bottle has no such opening, just a 1.25 inch opening that – if you believe yourself to be opening the other kind of bottle and pour too quickly – may cause you to empty the entire contents over one bowl of salad. Not that I’ve ever done this. But I believe the producers of these products are 1) deliberately trying to make us look foolish and 2) trying to get us to use up dressing quickly so that we will buy more. It's an outrage!
Never forget: When you presume you make a pres out of u and me.
The release of a new Playstation game has been delayed because of objections over passages from the Koran being used in some of the background music. The game will now be released without the offending words. Who knew some Muslims could be so touchy? I mean, they’re typically so levelheaded when their holy writings are used in popular culture.
Only the first sneeze in any series of sneezes should be given a “God bless you!” by those within earshot. Beyond that is overkill.
Some 1,500 raccoon dogs(?) bred in China for their fur have died from eating tainted food. Do I really need to add anything more to this?
A Chinese official involved in the building of Olympic facilities has been sentenced to death for corruption. They may commute the sentence to life in prison if he behaves himself. I still can’t believe anyone does anything like this in China. The stakes are too high.
I can no longer abide the blending of (American) sports bar and Irish pub. Each premise is strong enough to stand on its own. Take your fucking NFL team jerseys off the wall and put the Tri-Colour back up there, lest I box your ears, purveyor of said public house! (This kind of) miscegenation is wrong, wrong and terribly wrong!
Don’t talk to me, near me or about me when I am in the toilet.
I am tired of people giving me funny looks when I walk with an open umbrella on sunny days.
I am against home births except in instances of C-section.
I seek the elimination of all parking fines save for parking in a handicapped space when able-bodied or blocking a street or driveway. I am so... super... serial. Further, I would seriously increase fines for multi-space parking. Some people consider their first attempt at parking in a space their only attempt. Back your lazy ass up and straighten out the car, chief. Slogans to promote this new statute include: “One Vehicle, One Parking Space” and “Over The Line? Pay The Fine!”
The determination of when a restaurant meal is coming to a close should be when the last person is finishing the meal, not the first. I sometimes eat fast; that shouldn’t give any server the cue to start talking about dessert or offering a take-home box to a dining companion who is obviously only halfway through eating his/her meal. Not so fast, Garcon!
I believe that most people can do better in most things but are simply too lazy, proud or stupid to do so.
Snowflakes are God’s dandruff.
On-Star’s Automatic Crash Response feature is a mixed blessing. Let’s say you’ve had a drink or two, are driving down a dark road one night and run into a tree, mildly damaging both the bark and your car, but leaving the latter completely drivable. On-Star senses the collision and automatically dispatches 911 emergency service to you. In another time you would’ve been able to shake it off, get back in your car and proceed cautiously on your way. Now we have so-called “safety features” ratting on us? Narcs, man, narcs!
How is it time machines seem to not only transport their occupants to eras when something significant was happening, but also to those exact places as well? 1492? Wow, we’re aboard the Santa Maria! 1776? I think some Redcoat just fired a musket at me! Who says going back to 1776 wouldn’t place you in the very same space you occupy in the present? Or in the middle of a 1776 desert where absolutely nothing is going on? Or at the top of a mountain? I think movies may be lying to us! And I believe any such devices should henceforth rightly be called “time and space machines.”
When you come to a fork in the road, be careful not to hurt your foot or puncture a tire.
I believe – and I am again 100% serious on this – that there ought to be a new law prohibiting the "obstruction of the progress of mankind.” Meaning, a disease is about to be cured but your pharmaceutical firm stands to lose billions, so you pay off the researchers to scuttle their discovery. Or a viable electric car is developed, and overnight oil companies and/or other car companies get it pulled back from its owners, destroyed and never spoken of again. (That one really happened, by the way.) Interfering with anything that will make the world a significantly better place should be considered a high crime, with those responsible facing 20 years to life. With all the petty kinds of shit that are illegal, this is a major oversight.
If your eyes are bigger than your stomach, you're probably a mutant.
If anyone – man, woman or child – challenges your right to vote on November 4, punch them square in the jaw. Then tell 'em Pete sent ya!
When it comes to taxes remember this: It’s not your money, it’s our money. So give me our goddamn PIN so I can go get some cash to spend at another stupid sports bar-Irish pub!
I find the Wall Street bailout ironic and hypocritical. You have some of the very same politicians who regularly dismiss the notion of helping out the little guy (aka Main Street) with so-called entitlements rushing to help the big guy (aka Wall Street)?! But Pete, you say, by helping those big guys we’ll ultimately help the little guys! So, we are willing to assist the little guys, but only indirectly – through the big guys? Folks, I believe seeing CEOs walk away from their companies with $20 million while rank-and-file employees are being laid off dispels the myth of trickle-down economics for all time. It just don’t happen! And the government buying banks? Where are the accusations of socialism now? Now?
By the way, what’s with Bush pushing this bailout on Congress while at the same time wanting to veto food stamps and unemployment from a second stimulus package? See the big guy/little guy thing again.
Is it dangerous for chocolate Labradors to lick or chew themselves?
Mr. Blackwell, originator of the “worst-dressed list” for public figures, has died. I wonder how the undertaker will dress him?
If you are selling food or beverages in three different sizes, by law you should only be allowed to name them “small,” “medium” and “large,” respectively. None of this “medium/large/giant” crap! The smallest size of anything cannot be “medium!” Pizza places, you are the worst offenders. (Two sizes? "Small" and "large." That wasn't hard, was it?)
Speaking of pizza, I believe “left-over pizza” to be oxymoronic. It's certainly apocryphal in my home.
Another food-related law I am proposing is the Lid Standardization Doctrine (LSD). Some salad dressing bottles have a small opening that allows you to pour the dressing over your salad in small, controlled bursts; this wonderful invention gives you maximum control over amount and distribution. The other kind of bottle has no such opening, just a 1.25 inch opening that – if you believe yourself to be opening the other kind of bottle and pour too quickly – may cause you to empty the entire contents over one bowl of salad. Not that I’ve ever done this. But I believe the producers of these products are 1) deliberately trying to make us look foolish and 2) trying to get us to use up dressing quickly so that we will buy more. It's an outrage!
Never forget: When you presume you make a pres out of u and me.
The release of a new Playstation game has been delayed because of objections over passages from the Koran being used in some of the background music. The game will now be released without the offending words. Who knew some Muslims could be so touchy? I mean, they’re typically so levelheaded when their holy writings are used in popular culture.
Only the first sneeze in any series of sneezes should be given a “God bless you!” by those within earshot. Beyond that is overkill.
Some 1,500 raccoon dogs(?) bred in China for their fur have died from eating tainted food. Do I really need to add anything more to this?
A Chinese official involved in the building of Olympic facilities has been sentenced to death for corruption. They may commute the sentence to life in prison if he behaves himself. I still can’t believe anyone does anything like this in China. The stakes are too high.
I can no longer abide the blending of (American) sports bar and Irish pub. Each premise is strong enough to stand on its own. Take your fucking NFL team jerseys off the wall and put the Tri-Colour back up there, lest I box your ears, purveyor of said public house! (This kind of) miscegenation is wrong, wrong and terribly wrong!
Don’t talk to me, near me or about me when I am in the toilet.
I am tired of people giving me funny looks when I walk with an open umbrella on sunny days.
I am against home births except in instances of C-section.
I seek the elimination of all parking fines save for parking in a handicapped space when able-bodied or blocking a street or driveway. I am so... super... serial. Further, I would seriously increase fines for multi-space parking. Some people consider their first attempt at parking in a space their only attempt. Back your lazy ass up and straighten out the car, chief. Slogans to promote this new statute include: “One Vehicle, One Parking Space” and “Over The Line? Pay The Fine!”
The determination of when a restaurant meal is coming to a close should be when the last person is finishing the meal, not the first. I sometimes eat fast; that shouldn’t give any server the cue to start talking about dessert or offering a take-home box to a dining companion who is obviously only halfway through eating his/her meal. Not so fast, Garcon!
I believe that most people can do better in most things but are simply too lazy, proud or stupid to do so.
Snowflakes are God’s dandruff.
On-Star’s Automatic Crash Response feature is a mixed blessing. Let’s say you’ve had a drink or two, are driving down a dark road one night and run into a tree, mildly damaging both the bark and your car, but leaving the latter completely drivable. On-Star senses the collision and automatically dispatches 911 emergency service to you. In another time you would’ve been able to shake it off, get back in your car and proceed cautiously on your way. Now we have so-called “safety features” ratting on us? Narcs, man, narcs!
How is it time machines seem to not only transport their occupants to eras when something significant was happening, but also to those exact places as well? 1492? Wow, we’re aboard the Santa Maria! 1776? I think some Redcoat just fired a musket at me! Who says going back to 1776 wouldn’t place you in the very same space you occupy in the present? Or in the middle of a 1776 desert where absolutely nothing is going on? Or at the top of a mountain? I think movies may be lying to us! And I believe any such devices should henceforth rightly be called “time and space machines.”
When you come to a fork in the road, be careful not to hurt your foot or puncture a tire.
I believe – and I am again 100% serious on this – that there ought to be a new law prohibiting the "obstruction of the progress of mankind.” Meaning, a disease is about to be cured but your pharmaceutical firm stands to lose billions, so you pay off the researchers to scuttle their discovery. Or a viable electric car is developed, and overnight oil companies and/or other car companies get it pulled back from its owners, destroyed and never spoken of again. (That one really happened, by the way.) Interfering with anything that will make the world a significantly better place should be considered a high crime, with those responsible facing 20 years to life. With all the petty kinds of shit that are illegal, this is a major oversight.
If your eyes are bigger than your stomach, you're probably a mutant.
If anyone – man, woman or child – challenges your right to vote on November 4, punch them square in the jaw. Then tell 'em Pete sent ya!
When it comes to taxes remember this: It’s not your money, it’s our money. So give me our goddamn PIN so I can go get some cash to spend at another stupid sports bar-Irish pub!
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